I'm Sorry, Sweetheart

Sunday, September 27, 2009

You made me break it all

I should have stand tall

You came in my life

But fade because of strife

I don’t want you anymore

I should have said this before

But things was fine

Until you break the line

Now I’m desperate to lose you

Leave and hope to forget you

I don’t want any memory

It will just cause me insanity

I want to be angry

Because you made me lonely

But goodbye forever is enough

And by it I’ll be tough

I want to pretend

That this never happen

And yes I want to extend

That right now I am still laughing

Jason you made me happy

But I end up being weary

You should have never said yes

Now look! My life’s a mess

I just hope we could still be okay

Not that we can be together someday

But mere friendship is fine

Because I’m not making another line

I don’t know if that is easy

Because right now I’m messy

I would just blink my eye

If I hear you say hi!

Because I don’t know what to do

If I can see you in my sight

Maybe I’ll be far away

Or stay quite and sit tight

I know you said you’ll be there

You’ll be there to talk

But right now I’m in nowhere

And the shadows I stalk

This poem is what I feel

No pretentions, all are real

I meant to say I want to forget

And I know I wouldn’t regret

I did say I’m angry

I did mean to say I’m happy

But whatever words I did say

Came out because I won’t stay

But still right now I can feel pain

But slowly it will be washed by the rain

I hope someday you are out

So as your kisses in my mouth

I will miss all that we did

But memories has slowly faded

I will say this will be the last

And my words here are blast

Goodbye Doris thanks for your time

I will treasure you my valuable Sweetheart

But I will bury you so far away

So you won’t come in my way

I hope when you read this

You still can say

Jason this is what I want from you

I hope you will stay this way

You said you want me to move on

Because you don’t want me to bleed

Here I am now, I did carry on

And you are the least that I’ll need

Goodbye Doris this is the last part

Goodbye, goodbye from the bottom of my heart

I don’t wish to miss you but I think I would

You said move on and I hope I could

I’ll say this once more goodbye, goodbye

From Sunshine

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Words from the bottom of my heart that I wish to tell you.

I maybe be too blunt and straight forward with my words hope you will forgive me if I make you feel offended while reading all the entries in this blog.

After I had read your blog, from May to September, I understand why you want to stop contacting with me. Yes, you may feel that I said those nasty stuffs to hurt you and I am a boyfriend who you got to spend to buy happiness with, but seriously if it just a excuse to numb your feeling for me?

Frankly speaking, didnt I give in for this relationship? Didnt I put in as much effort as being your boyfriend? I know there really no point arguing about this past relationship but I too really hope that you will be happy that why I decided to initial break up with you.

I even force myself to stop contacting you, i even try to make you hate me than holding back. This is the only way to make you happy and I dont mind to do this sacrifice. Yes! you may feel that what I said maybe ridiculous, but this are my intentions cos I believed to make you hate me is to shorten your suffering and give you the strength to move on and be happy that you make the right choice.

You said after 1 year 7 mths, I still dont know you, actually I love you and know you well so as to did all this in purpose to give you the reason to hate me. I also helping myself to push harder in life so as to prove to you that I can be the guy who can provide for you and family. I told you before I need 3 years to give you the life you want but I cant bear u to suffer with me any longer so I initial the break up. I dont mind being blame. As I know loving someone is not to make someone feel suffering. Even you are no longer there as my girlfriend, but everyday, I can see the youtube that you had up loaded, I can read your blog, I feel that you are there mentally. I am really happy and contented.

I dont ever think of patching up until I can be who you want your life time partner should be. Then I will appear in your life again and pursuit a new love and beginning with you. This is my promise and I give myself another 1 year 6 mths to successful. In the meantime, enjoy your single hood and be happy always. Cause I want you to be even happier then being with me.

I will update this blog. I know you dont want to keep in contact with me. So let this blog be the bridge that connect us together.

Sunshine feel very Sorry for what he did to Sweetheart

I'm sorry for everything you've been through

It must've been very hard on you

I'm sorry for all that's been said and done

I was Sunshine, you were Sweetheart

I'm sorry for not making everything right

But the situation I was in, was very tight

I'm sorry for not lending you a hand

If only I could be a better boyfriend

I'm sorry if it seemed like I didn't care

I'm sorry for breaking your heart

For forgiveness, where do I start?

Time will prove my love for you

I know taking this step, of making you hate me are very risky and hard for you to believe and trust me again, but I still believe our 1 year 7 months love and relationship can overcome this little obstacles. If we put through and be together again, it all fate and destiny. But if we didn't, it prove that we are not the right one for each other.

All I can said is time will tell and prove if my love for you is real or fake. The reason why I tell you all this and created a blog is I told myself till you can move on and be happy without me, I will then revealed you my actually intentions. But it kind of sad that you actually mention that I am a jerk... very disappointing but I know only you give me name like this, means you had really hate me to the core and you will move on with a happy life. I admitted that my actions and intentions are really very hurtful, so I wish to take this chance to tell you I am really Sorry. Actually this thinking and intentions I start to act when we had the first broke up. If you remember? But I know if we broke up and leave you a good memories, for your character, it will be difficult and hard for you to let go. So I have no choice but to hurt you first and then explain to you now. Cause I really dont want you to suffer with me for another 2 years.

This are what I wanted to tell you 4 months ago

When I think of what you mean to me,

And how much that you do,

I know when I’ve been not so nice,

Especially to you.

I want you to be my sweetheart,

Forever—at any cost.

I apologize for what I said,

Without you, I’d be lost.